An Open Letter to Discouraged Mamas

Dear Mama,

Have you had a difficult day?  A challenging night?

Have you wondered why God gifted you a husband and children, when you are apparently are ill-equipped to effectively fill your calling as wife and mom?

So much undone, right?  So many people and things needing your attention...  So little energy or patience left for any of it.

Yep, I've been there.

Are you tired? Worn?  Depleted? Discouraged?

Perhaps even frustrated and a bit angry?

Have you ever felt that there is too much to do and too little day to do it in?  Too many things and people needing your attention and not enough of you to go around? Much less enough of you to do so and to get a sound portion of sleep.

Do you ever just feel like, I simply cannot do all this by myself anymore?

Well... you're right.  You cannot.

And you don't need to.  The Lord God is your help.

Pause. 

Pray. 

Cry if you need to, but as you do, cry out to Him. Ask Him to help.

Give everything over to Him, confident that in your distress and sorrow you can call upon His name.  He is gracious and merciful and is there waiting for you.

Mama, trust me on this.  You are not alone.  I've been in a similar spot as you and I can attest: He is there - even amidst the mayhem of motherhood.

Perhaps especially amidst it.

He is wise and loving.

He knows everything you need, and, sometimes, all you need is a deep breath and a reset.

So, go on.  B-r-ea-the. 

Again.

Ask Him to fill you with grace and strength.

B-r-ea-the.

Again.

Thank Him for loving you and entrusting you with so much.

B-r-ea-the.

Again.

Ask Him to cast evil away from you and to restore you.

Thank Him for all the blessings in your life... For all the things vying for your attention... For all the people you are surrounded by daily.  Especially those you may be most exasperated with...

Thank Him for the very things you are discouraged about, frustrated by, feeling hopeless about... 

He puts nothing and no one in your life without equipping you to deal with it - and to do so with supernatural strength.

That's right, Mama.  Supernatural.  Not Super Mama strength.

Count on it.

And br-ea-the.

Again.

Pray.  Ask to be filled with His strength.

Recognize joy does not always equate to outward happiness and that even when carrying crosses, joy can exist.

Tap into that joy again, Mama.

Let it permeate you. Let it seep past every bit of negativity you may still be feeling and fill you.

Be filled with gratitude. With grace. With giving things over and offering them up.

Then, if there still remains a proverbial cross is in front of you, just pick it up.  Take it and Follow Him. 

That may be all you can do today, and it is enough. It is a path to holiness. 

Yes, embracing your cross of the day as you follow Him.  THAT is enough.

Just to trust.  Just to share in His love.  Just to depend on his mercy.  Just to take a step forward.

It's enough.

Oh, Mama, you may want to, but you simply can't do everything.  But you can can do one thing - follow Him.

Choose to do that in this moment.

Christ will strengthen you.  I know this to be true. 

Br-ea-the.  Trust.  Love.

With love and prayers, 

A Mama Who's Been There
(maybe like five minutes ago)

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Dear Parent of a Child Who Is Less than Best at Mass

Dear Parent of a Child Who Is Less than Best at Mass,

Please, take heart!  You are not alone, and, things do get better.  Trust me on this.  I know.

Six years ago, I was in your shoes.  My oldest son seemed totally Mass-averse at times and, all too often, I found myself red-faced with tears, anger, or embarrassment at some point during Mass, flustered that I could not pray and worship because of my child's behavior and my own reactions to it - not to mention the reactions of some of the judgmental people around us.

Praise God, there were kind, understanding, and helpful people around us, too.  Seriously, the ushers who would catch my son for me when I was hugely pregnant and could not stop my son's dashes quickly enough were Godsends to me.  So were the elderly people who would smile at us, the priests that continually welcomed us, the strangers who handed us tissues, offered an encouraging word, and, occasionally, even held a child in their arms while we wrangled siblings or took care of boo boos borne of Mass behavior gone awry.  (Slips, spills, and - ouch!- cracking body parts against pews and kneelers.)

Indeed, God is good - all the time! - even when children are crazy at Mass and parents are struggling.

God simply does give us the children without giving us the grace to parent them - and the help we need to do so, too.

That help may come from the hands of a fellow parishioner.  It may come from a fire burning inside of you in reaction to a comment.  It may come from many places... but, I dare say, the most vital place it springs forth from at Mass is from sharing in the Eucharistic Celebration itself.

We are strengthened every time we participate in the Sacrifice of the Mass.  Yes, even when our own personal sacrifice seems to grow tenfold from having to deal with challenging child behaviors throughout the Mass. 

Indeed, I am fully confident that God smiles on us every time we bring our children to Mass and that He must surely hold a special place in His heart when He sees the struggles we go through to bring His little ones to Him with all their vim, vigor, and vitality.

I am even more certain that God grants us huge helpings of mercy and grace.

That mercy and grace can go a long way.

I know.  I have experienced it. 

Boys that are a handful at church can grow to love Mass and seek to serve.

The same boys who once were the ringleaders of sibling shenanigans in pews can become trainers in service, resulting in others boys eager to serve.

Families, like mine, who were well known for their crazy young ones, can grow into one of the "older" families at church, with our tweens befriending wild wee ones, lending a smile and a hand, and, in turn, having our "older" family grow in heartwarming acquaintanceship with "younger" families.

I know this.  It has happened.

This morning, as soon as my family had genuflected and filed into a pew, our sacristan came to us and asked if our boys would substitute for absent altar servers.  With joy, both my boys immediately went to do so.  At the same time, my daughter turned and greeted some of her favorite youngsters - two super active and sweet children whose parents and grandparents have become church friends of ours. Shortly thereafter, Mass began.

Peaceful.  Prayerful.  Gratitude-inducing.

The hour or so of Mass each week six years ago often seemed so long, and I wondered if things would ever get better.

They did! 

They will for you, too. 

Dear Parent Who May Struggle to Keep Kiddoes Under Control at Mass.  Don't worry.  You just get them there.  Then, let God do the rest.

He's go this.  He's got them.  He's got you.  He has a plan for the future you cannot yet see, and it is better than you could ever imagine.

Trust, and just keep going to Mass with your children.

Love, Prayers, and Encouragement,
A Mom Who Understands

P.S.  Many folks understand, like Tommy who wrote to the Dear Lady Annoyed by (His) Kids at Catholic Moms, Anna over at Aleteia, and Kendra over at Catholic All Year.  Click through and read their thoughts.  Let them bolster you up.  Know you are never, ever alone - God is with you and parents who get it are, too!

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An Open Letter to You, Pro-Life Man

Dear Pro-Life Man,

Twice this weekend, I heard comments about why men should stay out of discussions about abortions, and both times, the remarks were made by blatantly rude women who spoke with much scathing accusation, but little sense.

Amidst their vulgar language, these women claimed you have no right to speak out against abortion simply because you are a man.

How ridiculous it that?

As a man you might suffer over the loss of a child, yet you may not speak about the heinous act that takes approximately 3,000 lives in the U.S.A. alone each day and about 125,000 lives worldwide.  No, Sir, your hurt does not count claim some women.  You have no womb, so you can have no wound.  Abortion is none of your business.

And, lo, Man, if you are the father of a child conceived without forethought, do not stop and think even for a moment. You may have shared in the creation of that life, but you have no say over what will happen to it.  Yes, yes, forget about being encouraged to invest in that child, share in responsibility, and care for the child and mother.  You. have. no. say.  Whatever the mother wants, goes.  The child may live or die.  It is not up to you.  Be quiet.  

Be quiet, that is, unless you want to speak out for the death of unwanted children.  If you want to join the chorus of men lauding the choice to kill babies, have at it.  Be loud.  Be proud.  Man up and be Bro-Choice.

Indeed, dear Man, you must only lock your lips if you want to speak out against abortion, some women say.

Oh, and while you are speaking, please dare you not be chivalrous, protecting the innocent and standing up for the weak and oppressed.

Because you cannot get pregnant, you cannot understand things, and you must not respect, nor protect, life.  Got it, Man?

Oh, my dear, Pro-Life Man, I am so glad you are able to ignore such fallacious, illogical viewpoints.  Indeed, I am so glad you have the courage to speak truth even in the face of misguided accusations from women who claim you are a misogynist, an insensitive brute, an idiot, or worse. 

I assure you, Man-Who-Speaks-Out-Against-Abortion, that not all of us women scorn you. Many of us applaud you.  Many of us thank you.

In fact, I, personally, thank you for speaking out against abortion.  I thank you for letting you voice be heard and being the voice for those who can not cry out from the wombs of women who want them silenced. 

I thank you for ignoring the ignorant demand of women who say that you have no place in discussions about abortion, since you cannot get pregnant, cannot have an abortion, cannot understand what a woman goes through, and, therefore should not speak your thoughts. Indeed, I thank you, kind Pro-Life Sir, for standing firm with women like me who recognize you just might have a part in the conception of a child and you might wonder how that child's life might change yours... You might, indeed, go through much.  For male or female, you are human.  You are alive.  And you have every right to speak.

So, thank you, dear Pro-Life man, for exercising your right.  I welcome your voice in the conversation and am heartily grateful that you unabashedly support truth and life.

Speak on, Pro-Life Man. Take every opportunity you can to defend life from conception to natural death.  Do not be shouted down.  Do no be silenced.  Do not fall into the misconception that abortion is a women's right's issue.  Keep recognizing it as what is truly is: a human rights issue.

Unborn children are human beings and you have every right to defend the life of a fellow human being.

Pro-Life Man, I apologize for the loud, lacking in love voices of some of my fellow women who seek to shame you into silence, and I remind you, then in matters like these, there is no shame but that of silence.

We cannot stay quiet.  We must speak for those who cannot. Your voice is powerful.  Keep using it.

Stand together with other men and women - and me - who seek to respect and protect life, building a better future - one where all human beings may have the right to life!

With deepest gratitude and endless encouragement, I thank you, Pro-Life Man.

May love sound!

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