You Never Know which Habits Will Stick... and How Much Hope They'll Bring

My oldest has been in a tween-ragery stage and sometimes the blustering is still full blown at bedtime. Yet, no matter how silly or sullen he's been being, I almost always see him go out to our living room helves, grab his little blue book, and pray his bedtime prayers, which, by now, he's more or less memorized.  

So why does he grab his blue book? Why does he flip to its final page to pray an Examen and Act of Contrition?

Why doesn't he just pray his bedtime prayers from memory? 

Why is it his particular habit that has stuck for him when so few of the other habits we attempt to build here have not?  Seriously, why this one?  

Habits we have been encouraging for many more years have been rejected or are still in development.  Some of the other prayer habits that the same prayer book tool promotes have been ignore.

Other prayer habits - like morning prayers - are oft only habitual with my son when done as a family.

But the Evening Prayers ritual? It has become a strong habit.

Why?

To be honest, I just do not know, and I am no sure I ever will. I am, however, ever-grateful to his prior co-op teacher for initiating this independent prayer habit and to the Spirit for whispering to my son each night, prompting him to pray even when he's being stormy.

Bedtime prayers with his falling apart blue book. Undoubtedly, the act or praying them brings grace to my son, and, surely, witnessing my sometimes challenging tween grab his prayer book brings hope to me.

Lately, there are many nights when, by bedtime, I am spent.  Drained. Discouraged. Weary from efforts to connect, correct, redirect, reset, and, of course, love my son through the challenging phase he is going through. The glaring difficulties of the day sometimes make it hard for me to reflect upon the quieter moments of sweetness, virtue, and Spirit-led growth that are there.

Then, my boy's hand opens his blue book, his lips move silently in prayer, and the Spirit reminds me - Momma, not despair, prayer.  

What habits are helping you and your tween or teen make it through more challenging day and nights?

Read More

How to Resist Sin while Preparing for Marriage and Family Life {A Review}

Are you looking for a frank, faith-filled, yet modern resource to help young men navigate post-pubescent pre-martial years? Then, take a look at Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality by Hal and Melanie Young of Great Waters Press.

I just finished reading a review copy of this 96 page softcover book and found it to be a succinct, worthy resource that:

• answered awkward questions in a Biblical context.
• offered practical tips for avoiding temptation or recovering from poor choices.
• discussed how to shave healthy, faith-abiding relationships with young women.
• suggested ways to ready yourself for marriage, pursuing a wife in the right way.

Moreover, the book touched on modern topics - such as gender issues and the easy-access of porn - with clarity and charity from a Biblical viewpoint.
Included in the book are:

• an engaging introduction with a sad, but true fact on page two about when boys these days are being drawn into impurity.

• a Bible-based explanation of how Sex Was God's Idea in chapter one.

• clear summaries, like this one at the end of chapter two that reminds you of salient points.

• a reality check on page 31 of Chapter three, The Enemy Perverts God's Design, which explains sexual sin and the rising prevalence and accessibility of temptations.

• practical suggestions, including the ones pictured below from page 51 of chapter four that answer the question , How Can a Young Man Keep His Way Pure.  (As a side note: I laughed aloud when I read about singing to the Lord to avoid temptation.  That would never fly with my now 12-year old.  But, honestly, it is not a bad idea for those who like singing.  And, having accountability partners is always a sound idea, I think!)

• encouragement, like that on page 68 of chapter five, Recovering From a Fall.

• suggestions for Guys and Girls to have healthy relationship, as explained on page 73 and elsewhere in chapter six.

• mature advice on when to get married - after you've laid the groundwork to support a wife and family.

• a realistic, edifying, and encouraging conclusion- part of which on page 94 emphasizes how different today's landscape is from that of prior generations, yet how the basics remain the same.  

Scripture also, of course, plays into every chapter of the book.

Truly, I found Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality to be a concise, real, and encouraging book for modern young men of faith to encourage them towards purity and away from pitfalls. 

That said, I do have two cautions about the book:

1.  The book is written for young men ages 12 to 20-something since authors Hal and Melanie have been discovering younger and younger boys facing temptations against purity, however, because some of the book (chapter two) is detailed in biological nature and much speaks of pitfalls all young men can face but some have not been exposed to, I would suggest parents read the book first before handing it over to sons. 

None of the book is written in an uncouth or inappropriate manner.  All of it points towards a Biblical basis.  However, some of it may be "beyond" what some young men are ready for.  It certainly is for my 12-year-old.  So, I will use the book as a resource for me to draw from when conversing with my son for now, and, only later, may give it to my son to read.

2. For fellow Roman Catholics, on pages 39-40, there is true discussion of how Timothy pointed toward marriage for bishops, elders, and deacons.  This may be confusing for some young men who have been taught that priests need to be celibate.  If this becomes an issue, I would simply point them towards the fact that Paul was a celibate priest, read 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 7-10, and go from there with discussion.

These two points, though, are hardly reason not to recommend Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality.  For the book truly is a well-written, real, and modern resource for parents who want to raise - and young men who seek to be - Christian men of character.

Learn More


You can read what other Homeschool Review Crew families thought about Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality and about No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope (a wonderful resource I reviewed earlier).

Read all the reviews!

You can also connect with the Youngs on social media:

• http://facebook.com/raisingrealmen
• http://facebook.com/halandmelanie
• http://instagram.com/raisingrealmen
• http://pinterest.com/raisingrealmen
• http://twitter.com/raisingrealmen
  
  
  

  

Read More

Parent Tweens with Grace and Hope? {A Review}

Whether you are on the cusp of parenting a tween or in the thick of things, the book No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope from Great Waters Press is one I'd suggest reading!

The book is filled with memorable anecdotes, practical recommendations, solid Scripture, and a great balance of education and encouragement about successfully parenting your tweens!

Authors Hal and Melanie Young, who are internationally known Christian publishers, writers, bloggers, and popular conference speakers, hit on a wide variety of topics in this 204 page softcover book aimed at parents of children ages 8-14 and - as they so often do in other parenting books - prove themselves a wonderfully wise, practical, and refreshingly real duo!  

Drawing on their personal experience as parents of six boys and two girls as well as on encounters with others tween parents, Hal and Melanie write in a conversational tone about how to navigate the often trying tween years using a Christ-centered approach to parenting that will help you protect your relationship with your children as they continue to grow. 

As I read the book, load stood out to me - making me nod in recognition, "a ha" with "that makes sense", pause to let words sinks in, and more.

I also found myself sharing about the book before I had even finished reading it. 

In fact, I began the book just after I had faced a typical tween mini-meltdown, and, since the book immediately gave me perspective that helped me move on with the day in a Christ-centered, relational, understanding way, I found myself bringing it up to a friend.

Then, as some other parents and I sat chatting at a campout about our hormonallly charged, emotional tweens,  I found myself sharing more. (I had been reading the book in the early dawn hours in my tent.)

There were just so many facts, tips, anecdotes, and ideas that jumped off the page as I read.  Some of them included:

What research says about hormonal surges in tweens on page seven of in Chapter 1: Getting Bigger.  That sure explains a lot about my kiddoes!

The reminder on page 16 of Chapter 2: The Rollercoaster.  How many times a day since I have read this, have I thought, "Martianne, don't get on the rollercoaster!"

The story on page 30 of Chapter 3: Brains Turn to Mush.  Oh, how many times I have thought my children were being lazy or disobedient.  Maybe their just distracted by their internal changes.

A well-timed reminder on page 49 of Chapter 4: Many A Conflict, Many A Doubt helped me remember not to freak out!

On page 58 of Chapter 5: The Awakening a sad fact hit me hard.

Page 88 of Chapter 6: Social Struggles I was reminded how important it is to start awkward conversations early.

On page 96 of Chapter 7: Media, Gaming, and Discernment, I discovered practical questions to help my child.

Page 117 of Chapter 8: Conflict at Home affirmed our family choice to set aside Our Lord's Day for family time and memories.

On page 132 of Chapter 9: Transitioning, I was encouraged to keep on training and checking in as my kiddoes travel the road to adult responsibility.

I thought the ritual the authors discuss in Chapter 10: Celebrating Growth was interesting - although I am not sure my family will follow suit.

Chapter 11: Producers, Not Consumers was inspiring and real - and echoes my own thoughts in many places, like on page 172.

The final chapter: The Next Big Thing is full of great ideas and gems, as well as worthy cautions, like the one on page 180.

There is so much more, too.  Hal and Melanie truly cover a lot of ground in No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope, using a straight-forward, personable, Christ-centered approach.

Learn More

Hal and Melanie have written many wonderful books, including Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality, which I am digging into next and will review later this week.

You can read all the Homeschool Revew Crew reviews to see how each family liked the books.

Read all the reviews!

You can also connect with the Youngs on social media:

• http://facebook.com/raisingrealmen
• http://facebook.com/halandmelanie
• http://instagram.com/raisingrealmen
• http://pinterest.com/raisingrealmen
• http://twitter.com/raisingrealmen
  
  
  
  

  

Read More

Parenting Made Practical {A Review}

Ever have one of those days when you could use extra encouragement and practical ideas for helping your beloved children shine as respectful, responsible ones?  I know I certainly do, and that is why I was happy to review What Every Child Should Know Along the Way and  Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think from Parenting Made Practical.

What Every Child Should Know Along the Way by Gail Martin packs a ton of practical ideas for parents of preschoolers through college-age children into a slim 151 pages.  I began reading the book when my children, then me, were hit with the flu and, immediately found myself recognizing so many of the truths in it and becoming further convicted of the importance of teaching my children practical life skills and encouraging habits of virtuous living.

"The Twelve Rules for Rising Delinquent Children" shared in the introduction seemed quite apropos to me - and my husband when I shared  it with him - regarding our thoughts on what we do NOT want to do with our children and what we see far too many parents doing these days.  In fact, the list struck us so much, that my husband brought the book to share the list at a dad's group meeting he was going to while I stayed home to nurse our children.  Meanwhile, I reflected on some of the many ideas and verses shared in the book's chapters on:

• practicing family devotions
• cultivating family unity
• acknowledging and using gifts and talents as tools given by God for serving Him
• developing character

Later, when I got the book back, I read through the chapter on manners, recognizing some manners my children have already mastered he practice of, but far ore we need to work on.  Then, I dove into the meat of the book - the part I was most looking forward to having on hand - the chapters on practical life skills and personal safety.

These chapters provided detailed lists of skills and knowledge children from ages 2 on up might master.  As I read the lists, I mused at how my children had not mastered some of the skills suggested for kids younger than they are, and, yet had mastered other skills suggested for much older children.  I also began noting what skills I wanted to work with my children on next.

The need for "up next" skills only became amplified the following week when my children recovered from the flu and I went down with it. As I laid on our couch plagued by aches, high fevers, and lightheadedness while my children prepared food, did dishes, brought me drinks, or simply sat with me, letting me know they understood how horribly I felt and wanted to help, I became extraordinarily grateful for past efforts in training my children up.  Their kindness and help truly strengthened me despite my physical illness. 

However, all did not continue with gratitude and great kids.  As my bout with the flu wore on from days to a week - my children's attitudes and ability to happily help plummeted.  We are all very unused to me being down so long, and, I realized just how much training my children (and I!) still need as we grow in godly living.  Thus, once I recovered, I placed What Every Child Should Know Along the Way on my bedside to be at the ready whenever I needed a map - or even just a verse from Scripture - to guide our next growth steps.   I also found myself sharing ideas from the book with several mom friends who asked about what chores would be good for their children to begin mastering at what ages and explained just how helpful I have been finding this easy-to-use guide as to what children need to know and are capable of learning at what ages and stage.

Honestly, What Every Child Should Know Along the Way is one of the most practical, packed yet easy to use, resources I have seen for parents seeking:

• Scriptural references for teaching children about character
• how-to's about etiquette.
• detailed lists and charts of practical life skills for children from toddlers to college age.
• concrete ideas for teaching children about personal safety - from "stranger danger" to electricity to swimming, hiking, biking, motor vehicles, animals, and more. 

Of course, because all families and individuals within them are different, not every single point in the book will ring true for everyone, but all point,  believe, will help you decide what you want - and need - to teach your child at what ages so your child can succeed in this life and, God-willing, enter into eternal life.  Homeschool mom and author Gail Martin truly has compiled a handy, on-point resource for practical life skills and personal safety, weaving faith-based ideas right in alongside more mundane needs.

In fact, there is very little in the slim and practical What Every Child Should Know Along the Way that I did not appreciate save a few minor typos.  However, I make errors and typos all the time, so I can definitely forgive the ones I found in this book, especially since the book offers such a plethora of sound lists, practical tips, helpful ideas, and pointed Scriptural references.  I have already recommended the book to a number of local friends and, now, recommend it to you, too, should you be looking for a concise yet complete Christian resource to guide you in teaching your children practical life skills in every stage of life.

Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, a 53-minute video for parents of children ages 5 and up, came as a bonus surprise in my package from Parenting Made Practical, and I am glad it did.  For, with two tweens in our house, boundaries are often pushed, and with them, proverbial "buttons" are, too.  As buttons get pushed, I admit, my husband and I sometimes depart from being the steadfastly calm, loving, and relational parents we desire to be and slip into "mean Mom and Dad" mode, reacting to our children's choices and behaviors with ineffectual lectures and lousy parenting habits.  Thus, Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think became a welcome "parenting retreat" for me, guiding me to get back on course with more effective parenting practices.

The first time I began to watch Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, I sequestered myself in my room with my laptop after a hard day in the parenting trenches and immediately recognized that the video was created by real parents with real tried-and-true ideas to share.  For, although the quality of the video was fine for my laptop screen viewing, it was not filled with big company bells and whistles.  Rather, it was simply a recording of Joey and Carla link - a husband and wife team - offering a live audience sound explanations about why lecturing children does not work and giving their audience (and me!) practical ideas for what to do instead of lecturing.

As Joey and Carla offered wisdom as parent educators who have served families for over 25 years, they tied in Scripture, hints of humor, and relatable anecdotes. They also brought home certain points using slides that are paralleled by the FREE study notes documents they offer on their website.  Plus, Joey and Carla's daughter joined them on stage a couple times, so Joey and his daughter could offer demonstrations of ineffectual lecturing and purposeful questioning.  Though a bit "canned", these demonstrations were useful in helping me to hear and visualize what works and what does not work.

Now, of course, no 53-minute video can offer all the tools parents might need to permanently change their own behavior nor that of their children.  However, Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think certainly offers key takeaways that can be applied with ease and effectiveness.  Among them are:

1. Teach expectations explicitly.
2. Get to know your child's temperament
3. Do not get into power struggles with your child.
4. Keep asking questions that will make your child think at a deeper level, dealing with the issues as opposed to simply symptoms.

Of course, all these takeaways are packaged with further details and practical tips, including 10 questions a parent might pose to a child instead of lecturing and a list of phrases parents should not accept as answers.

Now, I admit, the first time I watched Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think I did not glean everything I could from it.  In fact, I dozed off a few times.  However, I can also attest that my drowsiness had nothing to do with Joey and Carla's presentation.  Rather, it had everything to do with far too many late nights and early mornings for me coupled with a challenging parenting day.  Thus, when I was more alert, I watched the video a second time - and that was when the simple genius of Joey and Carla's tips for questioning in lieu of lecturing really crystallized in my brain and went into my parenting toolkit.  Indeed, the very next day, my oldest child pushed limits and buttons several times, and, instead of lecturing, I began questioning.

As might be expected, my tween son attempted to derail my questioning and respond with wishy washy and unacceptable answers.  At that point, I did not raise my voice, revert to lecturing, or anything.  I simply asked him to leave the room and come back when he was ready to answer the question I asked.

My son ended up having to leave three times before he chose to answer my questions honestly, and, then, admitted he knew what he had done was lacking in virtues and that he needed to name what he had done to his brother, ask for his brother's forgiveness, and offer his brother amends.  Now, this sibling reconciliation technique did not come from Joey and Carla's video - it is something we have long used in our house - but the ability to get to the point of reconciliation without loud lecturing on my part or huge drama on my son's part was a direct result of my applying techniques and language gleaned from Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think.

I just love when I am able to invest a brief period of my time into a parenting help and to come away with distinct ideas and tools that can be applied to my present parenting.  Since this has been the case for me with Taming the Lecture Bug and Getting Your Kids to Think, I do not hesitate to recommend it as a helpful resource for parents like me that need practical ideas to move themselves away from lecturing and into practices that allow them to discover their children's areas of need and motivate their children to make right choices in the future.

Learn More

Parenting Made Practical offers a variety of books and videos to “encourage and equip parents to practically raise obedient, respectful, and responsible children in today’s world," such as:

Eighty Homeschool Review Crew families read or viewed some of these.  You an find all the reviews by clicking through the banner.

You can find Parenting Made Practical on social media at:

• Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/ParentingMadePractical/   
• Twitter:  https://twitter.com/ParentingMP    
• Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com.au/parentingmadepractical/          

Read More

A Call to Love

A while back, I shared a reflection about When Divine Mercy Intervenes with Parenting a Preteen.  In it, I shared several prayers that my oldest child had written.  That boy continues to create written prayers during many of the weekly quiet times that we experience as a part of Holy Hour.

His sister, on the other hand, does not often write during Holy Hour.  Instead, she sings the Divine Mercy prayers with a radiant smile, and, then, often, during the time for quiet prayers, can be found sketching with her lips silently moving.

When I glance over at my daughter, intent on sketching what she sees around the church, her lips moving in silent conversation, I smile and give thanks to God for the gift that she is. 

She is a child who loves to sing His praise and to open her Bible to read His word. 

She is also shyest, most sensitive child, yet she is also a child who is vibrant in her own ways. 

In crowds and new situations, my daughter can often be found clinging to my side, silent, but intently listening and observing, and, often, later, chatting with me about what she has heard and witnessed.  When she is comfortable with those around her, she is animated - on the move, offering vivacious smiles, being as compassionate and helpful as she is imaginative and active.  At home, my daughter vacillates between being a crazy, kinesthetic kid and a contemplative, quiet one. 

Yes, my girl is both pensive and playful, reflective and rearing to go! Thus, it comes as no surprise to me that my daughter's preferred way of reflecting and praying during Holy Hour is by gazing at the altar, sketching and thinking while quietly conversing with Jesus.

Observing my daughter in such quiet moments of sketching, thought, and prayer - as well as during both the sung and spoken prayers during Holy Hour - I give thanks to God and am sometimes moved to tears. 

What an observant, sensitive, beautiful child He has gifted me to steward.  Like all children, she has her own gifts and challenges and, for one reason or another, God has decided that I am the perfect mother for her, my husband is the perfect father, and her brothers are the perfect siblings.  Not perfect, mind you as people, but perfectly chosen by Him to be a family - to help one another grow in strength, wisdom, faith, and hope.

Likewise, our local parish collaborative family, I know, is the result of people coming together in response to God's call.  And our larger community is made up of people God places in proximity for a purpose.  And on and on in concentric widening circles of souls that God has granted the opportunity of coming together as conduits of His love and mercy.

It occurs to me that while we each are unique and have free will, we also each have a common purpose and call - to embrace His love and mercy and to share it with one another.  In our communities, in our families, in our one-to-one relationships with one another and with Him.

As I glance at my daughter during Holy Hour and then look back to Jesus on the altar, I give thanks for the way He converses with our souls, for His love, for His mercy, and for His wisdom.  I think about the responsibility He has entrusted me with and pray for the grace and strength to live well as a mother to my children, an individual in my community, and a child of God. 

Then, I reach over to my daughter's forearm, gently squeezing it three times in a silent "secret" message we have shared for years: I. Love. You.  She smiles, take my hand and squeezes back:  I. Love. You.  May she always know how much I love her.  May she always know how much Our Lord does.  And, may she always be so willing to share love.

May we all.

Yes, today, and every day, may love be what we reach out and respond with. 

How is Our Lord conversing with your soul today and who is He calling you to express love to?

Read More